What Have I Done Wrong?

The sarcasm continues today....in fact, it has been going on all week, and it has really killed me over, I think.

It was ward round day. My boss has not seen anyone all week because he has too many duties and chores to attend to. So this was his first time meeting all his beloved patients. We had alot of patients, and the ward round dragged on till 2 pm.

At the end of the ward round, I was physically tired, and more importanly, I was filled with shame, zero confidence and unhappiness.

Today, nothing I did was correct...somehow, he had something to pick on. Every patient we saw, I didn't seem to have done the right thing.

I told him that this particular patient (who was admitted via the renal unit) needed to be on IV antibiotics for 14 days as advised by the renal doctors. Ok, well this patient was admitted under his care, but the renal team has also been involved because they are quite particular about what antibiotics their patients get etc. Anyway, he asked me, "Why does this patient need such a long course of antibiotic?" I said, "Patient has a positive blood culture and the renal consultant wanted such a long course." Before I knew it, he said, "Oh come on, don't give me such crap"

I was like O K. Indirectly, he was implying that renal was being unreasonable and I was being stupid to listen to them.

The other situation was when one patient with progressive cancer and chronic leg oedema, developed acute renal failure. I told him that I had discontinued the patient's nephrotoxic meds, which included her diuretics, for a few days to allow her kidney function to improve. Now that it has stabilised I have restarted her diuretic at a lower dose. He told me later that, "You did the wrong thing. I don't give a shit about her kidney function. Her urea can be 50 and her creatinine can be 400. She's dying. You should have kept her comfortable by continuing the diuretic to allow her oedema to settle. Now, look at her legs, they are so swollen and puffy to the extent that they aretoo heavy to lift up." "Now, if it was your grandmother, would you like her legs to be so puffy?" I thought to myself, "well, of course not, but I do not want to accelerate her death by speeding up her kidney failure." I remained silent.

Sigh...We went on to another patient. This patient has newly diagnosed enlarged kidneys. I told him that I had spoken to the urologist and they were not going to decompress the kidneys and would not get involved in her care unless her kidney function deteriorates. Before I could even proceed, he went on to talk about the case and pointed out, "Why is the patient now on the list for a cystoscopy? That was not what you told me. You said they were not going to be involved."

I was thinking to myself that I haven't even finish my explanation earlier...and now you're telling me that I am contradicting myself? He didn't even let me complete my previous conversation.

Sigh...I totally gave up halfway during the ward round. I felt so vulnerable, and stupid. I started to wonder whether I'm made for this job...my confidence level went down to zero. I am still pretty upset about it all. I know I am learning, and I honestly do not mind being told I'm wrong. But somehow, I felt that this was unjustified. Oh, I know I should not be sour....it could be worse, I guess. I'll get over it after a cup of tea and a bottle of wine......

Whoa...sarcasm to the max!

Honestly, I am quite fed up with my boss at work.

First of all, I think he doesn't care about this patients. A consultant should review his patients twice a week...but heck no, not even once this week. He doesn't even enquire whether his patients are still alive?!

Secondly, he is pretty sarcastic. Give you an example.

Boss : what is the difference between prednisolone and budesonide?
Me : budesonide has less side effects.
Boss : why?
Me : I guess it gets digested quickly by the liver, therefore, it doesnt circulate at high levels.
Boss : You have no idea what you are talking about do you?
Me : Well, it was a guess. I haven't been reading up on this.
Boss : Hah! Thought so. It has high first pass metabolism.

wah...got slap right in the face.

Another example.

I was presenting a little case to him after clinic. Mind you, this was a GI clinic.

I said, "This is a 50 year old man with Crohn's colitis and sarcoidosis. He is currently on asacol, prednisolone - reducing regime, and alendronic acid." He stopped me abruptly.

"Hang on, is alendronic acid relevant? What does being on alendronic acid mean here? You have
to be more consise and relevant. What's the point in telling me he's on alendronic acid," he moaned.

" Well, he's on steroids for a long tem, and therefore, have developed osteoporosis secondary to steroids."

He then said, "Well, what does it have to do with his GI symptoms? Nothing."

I just kept quiet. No point trying to make a point...

I can take sarcasm very well...but I felt that this was unjustified, somehow.

Where Are You?

The cold days are back again. It has been raining EVERY single day. Mr Sunshine....where are you hiding?

Every morning, I wake up to embrace the rain, and on my way back from work, it rains again. The days are SO gloomy...temperature has not been any higher than 5 degrees so far. It was so bloody freezing that it actually rained sleet yesterday afternoon.

Having said that though, I see the rainbow almost every morning. I guess Mr Sunshine is actually trying really hard to show itself...but obviously, he is weak at present. Therefore, only a tiny wee bit of sun ray gets past the heavy dark clouds....and voila, you get a pretty rainbow. In fact, this morning, I saw DOUBLE RAINBOWS! yes... double, ie, one on top of the other. I could also literally see the end of the rainbows too...how wonderful is that?

Anywho, I hope for less rain and less wind....but I doubt that will happen.

The Script - The Man Who Can't Be Moved

This song is soo sooo sweet... if only there is a man like him...if only.

Going back to the corner where I first saw you,
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag I'm not gonna move,
Got some words on cardboard got your picture in my hand,
Saying if you see this girl can you tell her where I am,
Some try to hand me money they don't understand,
I'm not...broke I'm just a broken hearted man,
I know it makes no sense, but what else can I do,
How can I move on when I'm still in love with you...

Cos if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me,
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be,
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet,
And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street.

So I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.

Policeman says son you can't stay here,
I said there's someone I'm waiting for if it's a day, a month, a year,
Gotta stand my ground even if it rains or snows,
If she changes her mind this is the first place she will go.

Cos if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me,
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be,
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet,
And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street.

So I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.

I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.

People talk about the guy
Who's waiting on a girl...
Oohoohwoo
There are no holes in his shoes
But a big hole in his world...
Hmmmm

and maybe I'll get famous as man who can't be moved,
And maybe you won't mean to but you'll see me on the news,
And you'll come running to the corner...
Cos you'll know it's just for you

I'm the man who can't be moved
I'm the man who can't be moved...

Cos if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me,
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be,
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet,
And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street.
[Repeat in background]

So I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.

I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.

Going back to the corner where I first saw you,
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag not I'm not gonna move.

A Little Too Much Alcohol

Vodka, whiskey, rum, gin, wine, cider, beer. What do they have in common? Yeap, they are all alcoholic drinks.

It is ok to drink alcohol within proper limits. Alcohol is a way of socialising, it is a way to de-stress, a way to soak your sorrows away, a way to help you sleep, a way to make you go off-limits and crazy, and lose all inhibitions! BUT, as fun as it may sound, alcohol is quite a deadly drink as well.

I was in utter shock when a saw a young girl, who shared the same birth year as me, dying in front of my eyes, due to alcohol related liver damage. Imagine, she was as old as I was. And yet, there she was lying in bed, slowly making her way into her own grave. It was due to excessive alcohol intake over a number of years that led to her liver damage.... Her liver was so scarred and inflammed that it could no longer function properly.....hence, she became sicker and sicker, and eventually died. The worse thing was I actually saw her a few weeks earlier when she came in with the DTs. I remembered emphasising the importance of stopping alcohol as her liver was quite damaged....but I guess it fell onto deaf ears.

Shocking, isnt?

I was pretty dumbfounded. How could someone so young self-destruct herself into such a state?? I mean we have tried to give her alot of advice, support and all the medications we could think of, to help her....however, she has lost her own battle to survive, purely due to her own irresponsibility.

sigh.

My Pic Diary

A picture diary about the food I had and the places I went when I was back home.

The tasty claypot loo shi fun @ Sri Petaling.

Maggots @ Singapore Biennale 2008

Aliens and a spacecraft, Singapore Biennale.

Funny phrases @ the Singapore Biennale 2008.

Funky bus stop in Singapore.

Tasty beef teriyaki wrapped around mushrooms @ Sushi Tei.

Amazing presentation for sushi @ Sushi Tei. Those are unagi pieces.

Extremely spicy Szechuan steamboat (the reddish soup) and ham choy soup by the side (to neutralise the spiciness!). Yummy!

Garlic Fried Rice @ Sakae Teppanyaki

Chawanmushi cooked in an onion @ Sakae Teppanyaki! Lovely!

Black Forrest Ice Blended @ The Coffee Club. It had tasty cherry pieces in it! Thumbs up!

My gal palies. Miss you guys!

SzeL & I @ her house, Ipoh.

Nasi Lemak @ Old Town Cafe

My 1st love with banana pie @ McD.

Kiki, Shopping and Tasty Food

My less than 2 weeks break at home went by SO quickly. I had a FABULOUS time.

When I first got home, Kiki was there to greet me at the gate. I have not seen her for 2 years, and the moment she saw me, her tail was wagging so fast, and she started to do her little dance for me...aww.... I really miss her. I gave her a biigg BBIIGG cuddle. I could see she was enjoying the attention as she relaxed into my arms and closed her eyes....

Malaysia is all about good food! And I was not going to waste my time eating Western food or bread. I had asam laksa and char kuay kak for dinner when I first arrived. The following days, my stomach felt so contented and happy, as I filled it with yau char kuai, ma kiok, chee cheong fun, nasi lemak, maggi mee goreng, roti canai and also, the best claypot loo shi fun ever. I was eating like there was no tomorrow. I even squeezed in a short trip to Ipoh to visit SzeL...and of course when I was in Ipoh, I had to try the taugeh chicken, dim sum and white coffee.... oohh... even thinking about them makes me so hungry!

Shopping was quite fun too, as I managed to catch the Raya sales...so in the end, I bought 2 pairs of lovely shoes, a couple of blouses, etc. However, I must admit that the prices are getting ridiculously higher compared to the last time I was home. Ohh...and I finally managed to visit the new malls, ie, Pavillion and The Gardens.

And now...I'm back at work, back to living in this cold refrigerator, better known as, Glasgow. It's back to the daily routine. Life has to go on. Surprisingly, my jetlag isn't too bad.

Crazy About Donuts

Dunkin Donuts.
Krispy Kreme.
And now...J Co?


I didn't know that there is a craze over donuts in Malaysia...that's until I came home. There is a new donut store in town, J Co.

My first encounter with this store was at The Pavillion. Bro said, "You've gotta try...its a craze here." I looked at the queue at this popular shop...and I would say it was pretty long for a weekday. Bro continued, "Oh....this is nothing. Once the queue was probably 1 km long!"

So bro went on to queue. To be honest, I am not a huge fan of fancy donuts... you know, like those sold by Dunkin or Krispy Kreme. They are just too sweet and not original. My kind of donut is the traditional sugar-coated ones.

Anyway, after a good 20 mins or so, bro returned with 3 different donuts... one was topped with choc hazelnut, the other was topped with alcarpone, and the third one had dates on it. I took a bite from each donut...hmmm...really not my kind of donut, and seriously, do not understand what the craze is all about. Having said that though, J Co's donuts are certainly not as sweet as Krispy Kreme.

We took our time to finish up the donuts...and more and more people started to queue up at the J Co counter to pack donuts home....some had like 10 boxes worth of donuts?! Crazy!

Less Than 1 Week Left

Ahhh.... it's a great feeling to be back home!

I arrived last Monday. The first thing I noticed was the humidity. I was sweating profusely the moment I stepped out of KLIA airport. It is so different being back home... suddenly, I see so many Malays, Chinese and Indians! haha.. I know that is what Malaysia consists of...but it is a bit strange for me, because I have spent nearly 2 years in Glasgow, not seeing THAT many asians around. Everywhere I go was Caucasians.

Home sweet home. Kiki, my lovely cute wee doggie, who is 8 years old now, still remembers me! How sweet! She wagged her tail and starting to dance around the floor. Aww...I really miss her VERY much. She was so "manja" with me... she started to turn her body upside down and rubbing her face on my feet.... =)

I have eaten alot too...in fact, maybe a little too much. The first day itself I savoured tasty, spicy asam laksa and char kuay kak. Then, the next day, I had pan mee.

My family and I made a short trip down to Spore. Bro was really kind to take us around Spore trying various different food...sushi, teppanyaki, SzeChuan Steamboat (which was SUPER spicy), coffee...etc... Boy, such an eating frenzy!

Being back home also gave me the opportunity to meet up with old pals, and my cousin sis who is getting married! Lucky me, I was the first to look at her wedding photo album....She was pretty... I still need to catch up with a couple people...but time is running short... =( There is less than 1 week before I need to go back to the human refrigerator in Glasgow. sigh.

okla...now need to sleep...and wake up for more yummy food tomorrow.