Mothers

For the past week, my mother has been worrying me.

She complains of intermittent central chest pain during the day, which worsens during exertion, and sometimes develop at rest, for the whole week. She was not breathless, sweaty or nauseated with it. The pain was sharp and nagging, without any radiation. She had similar chest pains many years ago, and was seen by the cardiologist, who told her that her chest pain is related to her menopause. Mum is still suffering from pre-menopausal symptoms, you know, hot flushes, mood swings etc.

However, I was concerned about her chest pain. Although it didnt sound very worrying, ie, she was not compromised by it, I wanted her to go to the doctor to be checked out. It might be just stress-related as 3 teachers from her kindergarten decided to resign recently. On top of that, she has a family history of heart problems (her dad died in his 50s with a heart attack). It took me a good 5 days of daily telephone persuasion before she actually went to the hospital. Initially, she came up with alot of excuses: "I'm too busy", "I have to teach these students this afternoon", "My pain is on and off, and I'm pain free now", or "Its Thaipusam, the doctors are on holiday."

The bottomline was she went to the doctor and I was glad. She had a few blood tests done, and the funny thing was, she had to ask if the doctor was going to perform an ECG on her. wat?! I mean, anyone, who comes into the hospital with chest pain, should have a baseline ECG done... mum said that the doctor asked her,"why do you need an ECG?" "I don't know. I am not a doctor. But I've been having intermittent chest painf for the past couple of days, " mum replied. So he did the ECG anyway, and told her it was normal. Her blood tests revealed high cholesterol, and very high LDL. Her troponin was negative. The doctor just discharged her.

Ok. I was happy with her results. Hey, I am no cardiologist, but I personally feel that she needs further investigations, you know, for example, an Exercise ECG, at least. After she left the hospital, mum still had a few episodes of similar chest pains. So I then advised her to make an appointment with her previous cardiologist for further advice.

I called her today to find out whether or not she has made the appointment. She hasn't. Again, alot of excuses came up: "I'm very busy," "I'm fine now," "I'll go when I feel like going," "I have so many things to do, no time to see doctors." Mum was being extremely stubborn. I kept explaining to her that although her tests at the hospital were ok, but it is still advisable to make sure that her chest pain is definitely not cardiac. She didnt get what I was trying to put across.

Then, I felt that maybe I should scare her abit. I told her, "Are you trying to say that you would rather do your work, than care for your own health? How are you going to finish all these work if you keep having chest pain? Do you realise that if you dun investigate this further, you'll never know that one day, you might just have a big heart attack and die??" She cheekily answered me, "Well, everyone is going to die someday. When the time comes for me to go, I'll go."

ARRggghh.....I could feel the anger and frustration building up in me. I do not understand why she is being so difficult. Does she want to wait until she's having such a severe chest pain and then see the doctor? oh...I don't know. CK once told me that some people are just "too busy to be dead." I used that phrase on her too....but all I got was, "Nope, I'm only going to see the doctor when I want to."

Did I mention that during this telephone conversation, mum was actually starting to cry over the telephone? Now, what is that all about. Mum is rather unpredictable at times. I could only speculate that:
- She's worried about herself.
- She's angry that I'm being such a pushy daughter.
- She doesn't know what she wants.
- Maybe she misses me...but if she does, then ideally, she would have listened to my advice.
- or maybe.... the fact that earlier on during this telephone call, we were speaking about relationship issues. She said that she's concerned about me and I should listen to her advice. I told her that I know what I am doing and to leave it to me. Maybe she was angry with me about that. (when mum becomes angry, she starts to cry sometimes).

I don't know why she was crying.

I gave up and put down the phone. I thought that if I gave her sometime to think about it, she'll come to her senses. In my next telephone call, I was going to tell her for one final time, "In my opinion, you should get your heart checked out. Its up to you. But that is the opinion of your very concerned, but feeling absolutely helpless, daughter's opinion."

I phoned her about 2 hours later...and she has refused to speak to me. I spoke to my dad and asked him to persuade her to make an appointment with the doctor.

Now, I am feeling very frustrated and still just can't understand why my mother is being so childish. She's not that old. I don't think I am at fault. I am just very concerned, and the fact that I can't be there with her to see to her chest pain myself, makes it even worse.

Guess, she won't want to speak to me for the rest of the week.
Guess I can't do anything about that.
I can only do this much. It's all up to her. Her life is in her own hands. But I would be more reassurred if she had been to the cardiologist for further assessment.
Mothers....tough.

Lust Caution

*Changed the title because I got it the other way round!

I watched this Ang Lee directed movie a few days ago.

I thought the movie plot was really good, and I would agree with the ending. But others may argue that it should have gone the other way round.

The sex scenes were extremely explicit...man, it must be difficult for them to even film the whole thing!

And yes, I absolutely love Tony Leung. He has always been one of my favourite Chinese actors. The newcomer, Tang Wei, is attractive in a certain manner....but I do not think she's drop dead gorgeous.

I would highly recommend anyone who has not watched this movie.

PTSD

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

yeah...that's exactly how I feel after the exams.

The 1st paper was better than the 2nd one. If only I have done better in the first, then I probably won't feel as bad as I do now. The 2nd paper was tough...loads of thinking needs to be done...not enough of time! arggh...

And no matter how many times I tell myself that always trust your instincts....first instincts are always the best...but you know, in the exams....you just doubt yourself...and thats when, you start to change the answers, and thats when, everything goes wrong. absolute shite.

Oh well, nothing can be done about it now....but overnight, I just couldnt stop thinking about the papers...kept thinking about the questions...can literally visualise the question paper in my head...gosh...it feels as though I have been traumatised by the whole exam!

I know, I know, I'm just exaggerating...but thats how I feel right now. Hopefully I'll recover soon!

Work

When I am stressed I like to listen to upbeat songs...like this by Kelly Rowland...am absolutely hooked to it!

Paracetamoxyfrusebendroneomycin

A friend of mine sent this video to me via facebook....pretty cool. check it out. :)

Cool Car

On my way to work today, I saw a really cool car....the Volvo C30. I am not a car fanatic, but I certainly enjoy looking at fancy cars.

This car caught my attention because I was driving right behind it. It was a usual wet morning in Glasgow....and its winter time. So there wasn't much sun at 8.20 am. All cars had their headlights switched on.

Thats when this car attracted me.

The backlights were really cool....when the lights are switched on, they looked as though they were the eyes of the car...no honestly...look at the picture yourself. Boy, certainly hope to drive one...or sit in one! :)

Gorgeous, no?

Smile No Matter What

I am under too much stress recently. Feels like my head is going to explode any minute. But no, I shall keep my cool.

I shall not moan and groan about me stress....instead, I shall concentrate on happy things. Remember, new year resolution?

Ade handed me more pics this morning...so here they are:

Me and Ade @ Harrods

Outside Hakasan.

Inside the fancy restaurant.

Just a few pics...but worth a lot of memories. I would like to meet up with you again Adeline!

ahh...the wonderful scent of tulips...just makes me smile when I see them, no matter how stressed I am. Now arent they pretty?? :D

The Best Dim Sum Ever!

I went up to London on Saturday, to meet my good old friend, Adeline, who flew all the way from Australia, for a short break in Europe. I made a one day trip, by taking the earliest fight to Heathrow at 6.30 am , and came back to Glasgow by about 9.30 pm. It was tiring...but well worth it! Both Adeline and I had so much to catch up. I also managed to meet a few of my old A-level friends, Albert and Tze Sing....and Adeline's friend, Wei Lay, who is doing her MBA at Oxford currently. My friends took me to a really posh chinese restaurant and we ordered dim sum.

Boy...it was the BEST dim sum I have ever tasted for a looong lloooooonnngg time. I think this is the best shop in the UK, so far anyway. We all had to pay a fortune to eat...but heck, it was really good...so I didn't complain. The bill was about 110 pounds for the 6 of us! haha. The place was so posh to the extent that we were not allowed to take any photos inside. So we managed one outside. Here it is!

Albert & I

It Snowed Today

Oh...how I wished it snowed more today. I want to be able to make a snowman! The last time I made one was when I was studying in Dundee. The snow today was hardly anything to shout about...but it did kinda cover my car a wee bit. I heard that the snow is much heavier at the eastern part of scotland...lucky them! I absolutely love snow....coz it is white, clean and pure. But no doubt that once it starts to melt, the sight is not nice at all.

The cars at the staff parking ground.

This is my car...after scraping some snow off the screen.

New Year Dinner

I had a girlie dinner on New Year's Eve. The food was really good.... SzeL had her chef hat on....and prepared beef stew, roasted vege and also baked a cake for dessert! It was nice. Unfortunately, the vino wasn't really tasty, hence, my plans to be pissed was not successful. We counted down at home, while watching the live telecast of the hogmanay celebrations in Edinburgh & Glasgow. Was glad to spend time at home, because the weather was cold & wet......however, I do admit that I miss the KLCC fireworks! Not seen them for ages.

L-R: Hoon, SzeL, Erin, me & YeeL

Me scooping up some beef stew...yum yum...

Two - Zero - Zero - Eight

I can't believe it is a new year already.

*blink

*blink *blink

My oh my...it means that another year has gone by without me having really achieved or done much.

Right ok. Let me just list down what I did last year.

1. Work.

2. Work.

3. Work...

4. Travelling.

5. Shopping.

6. Sleep.

hmmm...nothing really exciting. Well, I'm telling a lie...I did manage to get a license and bought my first car. That was pretty exciting....however, I was certainly not impressed with myself after bumping into a van....only a few weeks after getting the car.

But honestly, I think last year, I have became a bigger moaner and groaner, with more wrinkles and white hair (no kidding...yes...white hair when I am only quarter of a century old!). I frequently find myself grumbling alot about work, grumbling about people at work, grumbling about the wet weather, etc... I do not know what it is that has turned me into a grumbling machine. I find myself being pessimistic occasionally...you know, a tiny problem would turn out to be a big mess.

However, on a brighter note, I feel blessed to have a few good friends here who I really can count on, and who has supported me through the times when I am at my lowest. You know who you are. Thank you for the support and care who guys have showered me. Hugs!

Cheers to the new year 2008!

Here's to a year with less moaning and grumbling! (yea rite...)

Here's to a year with so much uncertainties! (life is pretty unpredictable)

Here's to a year, in which, I hope to discover more about myself! (don't think i know myself enough)

Here's to a year, in which, I hope to see the light at the end of my troubles/worries! (try to stop the pessisim in me)

And last but not least, here's to a great year ahead with the ones I love! (you know who you are)