Mothers

For the past week, my mother has been worrying me.

She complains of intermittent central chest pain during the day, which worsens during exertion, and sometimes develop at rest, for the whole week. She was not breathless, sweaty or nauseated with it. The pain was sharp and nagging, without any radiation. She had similar chest pains many years ago, and was seen by the cardiologist, who told her that her chest pain is related to her menopause. Mum is still suffering from pre-menopausal symptoms, you know, hot flushes, mood swings etc.

However, I was concerned about her chest pain. Although it didnt sound very worrying, ie, she was not compromised by it, I wanted her to go to the doctor to be checked out. It might be just stress-related as 3 teachers from her kindergarten decided to resign recently. On top of that, she has a family history of heart problems (her dad died in his 50s with a heart attack). It took me a good 5 days of daily telephone persuasion before she actually went to the hospital. Initially, she came up with alot of excuses: "I'm too busy", "I have to teach these students this afternoon", "My pain is on and off, and I'm pain free now", or "Its Thaipusam, the doctors are on holiday."

The bottomline was she went to the doctor and I was glad. She had a few blood tests done, and the funny thing was, she had to ask if the doctor was going to perform an ECG on her. wat?! I mean, anyone, who comes into the hospital with chest pain, should have a baseline ECG done... mum said that the doctor asked her,"why do you need an ECG?" "I don't know. I am not a doctor. But I've been having intermittent chest painf for the past couple of days, " mum replied. So he did the ECG anyway, and told her it was normal. Her blood tests revealed high cholesterol, and very high LDL. Her troponin was negative. The doctor just discharged her.

Ok. I was happy with her results. Hey, I am no cardiologist, but I personally feel that she needs further investigations, you know, for example, an Exercise ECG, at least. After she left the hospital, mum still had a few episodes of similar chest pains. So I then advised her to make an appointment with her previous cardiologist for further advice.

I called her today to find out whether or not she has made the appointment. She hasn't. Again, alot of excuses came up: "I'm very busy," "I'm fine now," "I'll go when I feel like going," "I have so many things to do, no time to see doctors." Mum was being extremely stubborn. I kept explaining to her that although her tests at the hospital were ok, but it is still advisable to make sure that her chest pain is definitely not cardiac. She didnt get what I was trying to put across.

Then, I felt that maybe I should scare her abit. I told her, "Are you trying to say that you would rather do your work, than care for your own health? How are you going to finish all these work if you keep having chest pain? Do you realise that if you dun investigate this further, you'll never know that one day, you might just have a big heart attack and die??" She cheekily answered me, "Well, everyone is going to die someday. When the time comes for me to go, I'll go."

ARRggghh.....I could feel the anger and frustration building up in me. I do not understand why she is being so difficult. Does she want to wait until she's having such a severe chest pain and then see the doctor? oh...I don't know. CK once told me that some people are just "too busy to be dead." I used that phrase on her too....but all I got was, "Nope, I'm only going to see the doctor when I want to."

Did I mention that during this telephone conversation, mum was actually starting to cry over the telephone? Now, what is that all about. Mum is rather unpredictable at times. I could only speculate that:
- She's worried about herself.
- She's angry that I'm being such a pushy daughter.
- She doesn't know what she wants.
- Maybe she misses me...but if she does, then ideally, she would have listened to my advice.
- or maybe.... the fact that earlier on during this telephone call, we were speaking about relationship issues. She said that she's concerned about me and I should listen to her advice. I told her that I know what I am doing and to leave it to me. Maybe she was angry with me about that. (when mum becomes angry, she starts to cry sometimes).

I don't know why she was crying.

I gave up and put down the phone. I thought that if I gave her sometime to think about it, she'll come to her senses. In my next telephone call, I was going to tell her for one final time, "In my opinion, you should get your heart checked out. Its up to you. But that is the opinion of your very concerned, but feeling absolutely helpless, daughter's opinion."

I phoned her about 2 hours later...and she has refused to speak to me. I spoke to my dad and asked him to persuade her to make an appointment with the doctor.

Now, I am feeling very frustrated and still just can't understand why my mother is being so childish. She's not that old. I don't think I am at fault. I am just very concerned, and the fact that I can't be there with her to see to her chest pain myself, makes it even worse.

Guess, she won't want to speak to me for the rest of the week.
Guess I can't do anything about that.
I can only do this much. It's all up to her. Her life is in her own hands. But I would be more reassurred if she had been to the cardiologist for further assessment.
Mothers....tough.