What Can't Kill Me, Can Only Make Me Stronger

That is the motto I hope to carry with me throughout my life.

For the first time in my career, I actually broke down and cried at work! I seriously could not believe that happened.

I guess I have been having a rough time at this hospital. Last week, I had sick patients every day. Today, I had another person who was really sick, and had to be transferred to HDU.

To be really really honest, I do enjoy looking after the sick patients. It is interesting and rather exciting. You have to find out what the main problem is and also decide what is the action plan. And I think this is why I chose to go into medicine.

However, I think my consultant has not been very supportive. I told him that I have transferred the patient to HDU for closer monitoring, and his reply was, "what are you going to achieve from that?"

I was abit baffled. This poor man had a potassium of 7, which is potentially life threatening; his creatinine was 656 and was completely anuric. The bottomline is he has developed hepatorenal syndrome...and from that, he is going to die. He already has a "Do Not Resuscitate" order, but he would still be for active management.

So I really do not understand what the consultant meant when he asked me what was the point of moving into HDU. He said, "Well, if you want to do that, just do it, then." Now, how supportive is that? I went on to do it anyway. And, at the end of the conversation, he told me, "HAve fun with the sick patients!" WHAT!!?

I felt that he was not supportive of what I was doing. MaybeI should not have moved the patient to HDU, but if he is still for active management, why not?

I felt abit down because of that. And to make matters worse, my fellow colleague, came up to me and asked if I was feeling ok. She placed her hand on my shoulder. And that was it....I didn't know what happened, maybe it was a sensation of self-pity and what not that swept across me...and the tears just started to run down my cheeks. I think it must be all the stress that was cooking inside of me over the past few weeks, and to add on top of that, I was feeling very sorry for the wife of my sick patient..... If my colleague hadn't put her hand on my shoulder, I would have been fine!!!!

I don't know if any one of you were in that funny position ever. When a friend came up and asked if you were ok, and it just kicks you off....hehe.

It was so embarrassing!!! =(

Ah well, at the end of the day, I bumped into my consultant, and he enquired about our sick patient. And his final reply was, "It was not a bad idea after all." I was thinking to myself, if you had said that earlier, I would have felt better. Sigh.

The whole situation did not kill me, but I guess it could only make me stronger!

Here's to another day of adventure tomorrow!