Thanatophobia = fear of death
I am sure many of us are afraid of death. No one knows how it feels like until the day actually arrives. It may come so quickly that you don't even feel it.....or, it may be a slow, painful, and gradual process. Who knows which kind of death we will suffer from.....
I have to admit that I can't help but think about death too. Death is inevitable in the hospital. Patients die, and we, doctors, certify the death. Within a few hours, the patient's body will be moved to the mortuary. Then, a new patient will arrive in the ward to take up that empty bed in the ward.
Yes, the turnover is fast. Yes, I have encountered many expected and unexpected deaths in the hospital. I should have been used to dealing with death by now.
But no.
Today, I felt really upset when I spoke to one of my patients. He has 2 failing organs...and that is a bad sign. Death is quite near. It is horrible seeing how someone could deteriorate quickly just within a few days. I explained to him what was going on. I told him that his kidneys are not functioning very well anymore, and that there is a limit to what we could offer him due to his other co-morbidites.
He said, " Doctor, I don't want my kidneys to fail...."
There it was.....the look in his eyes.....just broke my heart and soul.
I guess it would be even scarier for them to see the reflection of his fear in my eyes. I could only keep my cool, and tried my best to give him my honest opinion, with a lil encouragement. Its difficult. Once 2 organs are failing, the body will slowly shut down and fail completely.
I can't imagine how it feels like when you know death is inevitable. I can only hope that the person is as comfortable as he/she can be.
..................................
Unfortunately, he died peacefully a few days later. I was not surprised, but felt rather upset.
RIP. You are now in peace with your body and soul.
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