Wasting My Time

After the previous post, I thought about another patient whom I saw yesterday.

She was in her 30s, and was told that she had sent away SMSes to her neighbours stating that she has been self harming, by cutting her wrists. When approached my nursing members about this, she became angry and did not really want to admit that she had sent those text messages. She then asked if she could go for a cigarette, and was permitted to do so. Unfortunately, she had sneakily ran away from the hospital.

Of course, we were concerned that she might do something serious to herself. We had the police involved and she was seen drinking in a pub nearby. She was brought back and I reviewed her.

"Hi, I am Ling, one of the doctors," I said.

No response. In fact, she looked right through me.

Again, I said, "Hi there. Are you ok?"

Still no response. This time, she just stared at me blankly.

Then, she turned to the nurse and said, "What is she saying?"

I was like...whoa....she pretended she couldn't hear me.

"How are you feeling right now?"

Another blank face.

"I heard that you have been self harming. Do you still feel like wanting to end your life?"

She refused to answer me....and after a moment of silence, she said, "How do you think I feel?"

I replied, "Well, I really do not know. Why don't you describe to me?"

"I want to end it all," she said in an extremely hostile and angry manner.

I thought to myself, what is the point in talking to her...so I asked if she would prefer to speak to the nurse than to me. She nodded....and then added, "I want to speak to the nurse in private."

"Ok then." I left the room...feeling abit frustrated that I was actually spending time to understand your problem, and this is what I get in return...sarcasm, hostility, etc... If given a choice, I would rather not hear your problems...but no, I have dedicated my life to help you. But I do not get appreciated. What a total waste of my time.