Grim

Dying from cancer seems like the most dreadful thing. It is a slow and painful death. There will be numerous hospital admissions either for chemotherapy, radiotherapy or surgery. And let's not forget that these patients have to endure endless complications either secondary to the side effect of their treatment or because of countless infections.

It has been a grim day at work today. 1 out of 4 patients in the ward is suffering from terminal cancer. None of them are curable. Majority of them have a severe infection, while the others have new spread of their cancer.

I really can't imagine how much pain these poor patients are experiencing. It must be excruciating. We are trying to manage these pain issues with strong doses of opiates, and also putting them on a syringe driver. But we never seem to be able to keep their pain score at ZERO.

And it also makes my heartache when I saw a lovely man in the ward who was talking to me about 2 hours ago, and just as I left the hospital, he was unconscious, agitated and taking the last few breaths of his life. I know I shouldn't be surprised to see how quickly a cancer can kill you, as I have seen many of them in such situations, but still, I can't help it.

To top it all off, it upsets me even more when people drink far too much alcohol for their own good, and end up having liver damage because of it. Why do you self mutilate your body?! And once we have treated you and get you back on your feet....what do you do??? Of course! You go back to your old drinking habits. Within a few months, they bounce back into the hospital again, and the whole cycle repeats itself.

Have they ever thought of how previous their life is??? Why do they want to end their life so quickly??? Have they even thought of those patients suffering from terminal diseases that would prefer to live on for a little longer, but can't because they isn't any other way to cure them?

I dunno. I guess this is medicine and the reality of life for me.