Life is Like This

I sometimes wish I could become a small girl all the time, and never grow up.

I remember when I was in primary school, life was fun, carefree, stress-free, happy, etc. I have to say those were the days when I was REALLY really happy. I don't remember being worried or unhappy about things, except having to memorise the times table.

Now, more than a decade later, I have changed. Life is no longer as carefree or stress free as it was. I am never truly happy everyday. There is not a day where I don't get worried about something. There is not a single day that has passed by without any stress. There are so many responsibilities to take on and I get pressurised either at work or home.

At home, I get stress from parents who keeps reminding me that I am old and should get married. Well, if it was that simple, then everyone in the whole world, would be married eh? Parents never understand that relationships don't just turn up right in front of the face. It takes time and its never easy to find a partner. Even if you do find one, it may or may not work out. Relationship comes, relationship goes. It is hurtful but I guess shit happens. I can't speak for my parents, but I could sense that not getting married will be unacceptable to them. This is a very unpleasant stress. I wished I could ask them to let me be....but I can't, because I know that they are just parents who are worried.

You can never run away from stress at work. I noticed that having worked in psychiatry for 2 months now, I have lost my ability to empathise those with alcohol problems, associated with depression. I have became very blunt when I speak to them. I told one of my patients recently that if he doesn't stop drinking, "your organs will slowly fail one by one, and you will die a slow painful death." I couldn't believe that these words came out from my mouth. That was indeed not a very nice thing to say.

With all these stressors in life, I feel that I need to have someone to listen or talk to me. I am blessed to have good pals, whom I do moan to frequently. I guess everyone has something to moan about. We, humans, are never satisfied with what we have. Don't get me wrong, I am very glad to have a decent job to help pay bills. There are alot of people with worse problems.

Arrghh....I don't know. I just feel the urge to moan at the moment. No one here to listen to what I have to say....so I shall just write it in my blog.