Disappointed

I really wanna shoot myself.


I so really wanna hide somewhere in shame.

I dunno why, but I always seem to disappoint myself at times I needed to do well.

Urggh....why oh why???


SIIIGGGHHHH


All of you who are cursing and swearing and feeling so nervous before you attend a job interview....don't worry, I'm also a member of the club. I think the general public has this preconception that doctors will always get a job, no matter where they go. I shall politely ask you to think again. This is not the case in this country. We have to fight for limited training jobs, and attend painstaking interviews, which also depends on whether you were shortlisted.


How do we get shortlisted? Well, if you can fill in your form properly, ie, show that you're enthusiastic...then, who knows, you might be the lucky one, invited for the job interview.


I know I have chosen this pathway myself. But somehow, I feel that others seem to do so well under pressure...whereas I just seem to crumble.


I attended a job interview recently. I did not do well at all! There were 3 different stations. One was on my portfolio, the second one was about my commitment and the third one was a clinical scenario station. I was not too bad in the portfolio station, but the other two.....sigh....was where I fail to live up to my own expectations.


I was blown away by a few "funny" questions, such as, "how will you be different when you are a registrar?" or "what would you have done, if you were not a doctor?"


I found these questions funny....I know they don't sound hard, but somehow, finding a way to answer them seem difficult, at least for me, anyway. Because you have to relate them to your current situation or make it sound positive. Why are they asking me about being a registrar, when I'm not even started in the training programme, which will take me 2 years before I become a registrar?? All I know is, when you're a reg, you have more responsibility, and more junior colleagues working under you. And if I were not a doctor, I would do actuarial science. How I can relate that to medicine? I dunno.

Then, in the 3rd station, I was utterly disappointed with myself. It was a simple case of jaundice....and yet, I forgot to say that I would request a coagulation screen as part of the investigation!!! And, oh, I could not remember the cause of pre-hepatic jaundice....

I was like....HELLO??? What were you thinking, saw ling??!!! Alcoholic hepatitis is like your bread and butter!!! You deal with such cases almost every day....and yet, you forgot to mention the most important blood test!!!!! The moment I stepped out of the interview room, suddenly an influx of information entered my brain. Of course, the answer to the latter question was..... DUH!!! haemolytic anaemia. My memory failed me....my nerves got the better of me.


Anyway, I could go on and on to moan about how badly I did. I had only one chance...and I have failed myself miserably. I know it is all over now....but I can't help feeling this way.