Smile No Matter What

I am under too much stress recently. Feels like my head is going to explode any minute. But no, I shall keep my cool.

I shall not moan and groan about me stress....instead, I shall concentrate on happy things. Remember, new year resolution?

Ade handed me more pics this morning...so here they are:

Me and Ade @ Harrods

Outside Hakasan.

Inside the fancy restaurant.

Just a few pics...but worth a lot of memories. I would like to meet up with you again Adeline!

ahh...the wonderful scent of tulips...just makes me smile when I see them, no matter how stressed I am. Now arent they pretty?? :D

The Best Dim Sum Ever!

I went up to London on Saturday, to meet my good old friend, Adeline, who flew all the way from Australia, for a short break in Europe. I made a one day trip, by taking the earliest fight to Heathrow at 6.30 am , and came back to Glasgow by about 9.30 pm. It was tiring...but well worth it! Both Adeline and I had so much to catch up. I also managed to meet a few of my old A-level friends, Albert and Tze Sing....and Adeline's friend, Wei Lay, who is doing her MBA at Oxford currently. My friends took me to a really posh chinese restaurant and we ordered dim sum.

Boy...it was the BEST dim sum I have ever tasted for a looong lloooooonnngg time. I think this is the best shop in the UK, so far anyway. We all had to pay a fortune to eat...but heck, it was really good...so I didn't complain. The bill was about 110 pounds for the 6 of us! haha. The place was so posh to the extent that we were not allowed to take any photos inside. So we managed one outside. Here it is!

Albert & I

It Snowed Today

Oh...how I wished it snowed more today. I want to be able to make a snowman! The last time I made one was when I was studying in Dundee. The snow today was hardly anything to shout about...but it did kinda cover my car a wee bit. I heard that the snow is much heavier at the eastern part of scotland...lucky them! I absolutely love snow....coz it is white, clean and pure. But no doubt that once it starts to melt, the sight is not nice at all.

The cars at the staff parking ground.

This is my car...after scraping some snow off the screen.

New Year Dinner

I had a girlie dinner on New Year's Eve. The food was really good.... SzeL had her chef hat on....and prepared beef stew, roasted vege and also baked a cake for dessert! It was nice. Unfortunately, the vino wasn't really tasty, hence, my plans to be pissed was not successful. We counted down at home, while watching the live telecast of the hogmanay celebrations in Edinburgh & Glasgow. Was glad to spend time at home, because the weather was cold & wet......however, I do admit that I miss the KLCC fireworks! Not seen them for ages.

L-R: Hoon, SzeL, Erin, me & YeeL

Me scooping up some beef stew...yum yum...

Two - Zero - Zero - Eight

I can't believe it is a new year already.

*blink

*blink *blink

My oh my...it means that another year has gone by without me having really achieved or done much.

Right ok. Let me just list down what I did last year.

1. Work.

2. Work.

3. Work...

4. Travelling.

5. Shopping.

6. Sleep.

hmmm...nothing really exciting. Well, I'm telling a lie...I did manage to get a license and bought my first car. That was pretty exciting....however, I was certainly not impressed with myself after bumping into a van....only a few weeks after getting the car.

But honestly, I think last year, I have became a bigger moaner and groaner, with more wrinkles and white hair (no kidding...yes...white hair when I am only quarter of a century old!). I frequently find myself grumbling alot about work, grumbling about people at work, grumbling about the wet weather, etc... I do not know what it is that has turned me into a grumbling machine. I find myself being pessimistic occasionally...you know, a tiny problem would turn out to be a big mess.

However, on a brighter note, I feel blessed to have a few good friends here who I really can count on, and who has supported me through the times when I am at my lowest. You know who you are. Thank you for the support and care who guys have showered me. Hugs!

Cheers to the new year 2008!

Here's to a year with less moaning and grumbling! (yea rite...)

Here's to a year with so much uncertainties! (life is pretty unpredictable)

Here's to a year, in which, I hope to discover more about myself! (don't think i know myself enough)

Here's to a year, in which, I hope to see the light at the end of my troubles/worries! (try to stop the pessisim in me)

And last but not least, here's to a great year ahead with the ones I love! (you know who you are)

*YYaaawwnnn

I am absolutely tired. I think I have been working more hours than I am contracted to this week. Was asked to do extra last night because somebody refused to accept the fact that he is on call. ??? So I had to be called in to replace that person. sigh.

To be honest, I was feeling quite miserable when I went in. I felt that it was unfair. But then, I couldn't really refuse to not go in, especially when the consultant was the one that asked you to do so. She's the boss. It was a long night....didnt had much time to sleep as the patients seem to be coming in constantly.

I think I looked like a zombie this morning. My hair was greasy and in a mess. I didn't smell nice. My blouse was stale. My face was oily (although I did make the effort to wash it). Worse thing was, I forgot to bring my spectacles with me...so I had my contact lens stuck in the eyes for more than 24 hours! Boy, it was so difficult to remove them just now.

I am pretty sleepy now. But I think I would go to bed earlier tonight, instead of sleeping now. I have to wake up early to go to work tomorrow. sigh. Wished I had an easy 9-5 job. hehe.

Thinking of Home

In some ways, I am glad that I am on call on Christmas day. Otherwise, I would be homealone! I think I really need some company during Xmas. Its quite pathetic but oh well, tough. I miss home. Miss the spirit of xmas at home.

White Week

The temperatures have certainly been dropping for the whole week. I don't remember seeing the temperature anything higher than 3 degrees. In the morning, while driving to work, the temperature was about -2 to 0, and when I travelled home, the temperature was similar.

I actually don't mind the freezing temperature....as long as it is cool and dry....then, everything would look nice, clean, pure and white. I like it if it snows...but I don't like it when the snow starts to melt. It becomes extremely wet and dirty. I doubt that it would snow during christmas....but I am still hopeful!

The only bad thing about this weather is the fog. Driving has become increaasingly dangerous due to thick fog...reducing visibility to only 20 yards. Being the usual silly me, I didn't know how to turn on my fog lights...and I still don't!

Here are some pictures I took yesterday and today (using my good old W800 camera). It shows the effect of temperature to the weather and environment.

YESTERDAY:

A frosty morning at the compounds of the hospital.

The hill is covered with frost.

Even the Fanta bottle too!

TODAY:

Look at the difference. The temperature this morning was -7!! It was frostier, whiter and certainly colder. There was just a slight drop of snow at that time when the pic was taken.

The children's playground at the hospital.

Also note that the water has turned into ice.
The branches were white too...and it was rather foggy.

This pic was taken at 4pm.

Effing Rota

I really do not like my rota. And yet, people are telling me that psychiatry is psycho-holiday. Absolute nonsense.

Upon looking at my rota, I realised that I am bloody working every weekend until next year! Now, how unfair is that? Everyone gets at least 1 weekend off in between weekends...but I am the unlucky one to be working every weekend...so in total, I would have worked 4 weekends in 4 weeks! arrghh! Not fair. It totally spoils my mood for the weekend, you know, thinking that at least I have 2 days off...but heck no! sigh.

Right, I know there are other people who have far worst shifts than me. But I am complaining because my colleagues do not have a rota like mine. Absolute shite.

Random Survey

I only get the chance to listen to the radio when I drive to and fro work. It can be quite boring at times, you know, listening to the same old songs again and again, or when the DJs just talk about footie all the time! But at times, it can be quite entertaining too, especially when the radio DJs chat about a certain topic.....the most recent one that got my smiling and giggling on my way home from work (other motorist must have thought I was a mad girl! hehe) was about a random survey that BBC Radio 1 conducted.

The topic was on Britney Spears. They asked random people on the streets in Britain 2 questions:

1. What do you like Britney Spears smells like?

2. If Britney Spears were a goat, would you kiss her?

Answers to Q1: She smells like:
- Rotten food
- Fish market
- Smelly fish
- Spaghetti carbonara
- my fish bowl that I have not washed for 3 weeks
- trout (this really got me laughing because of the way the lady said it)


Answers to Q2:
Apparently about 60% of the public said, "Yes, I would."
One of the even added that, "As long as the goat doesn't make any noises!" (hehehe....this is hilarious!)

I can't believe that people would actually think Britney Spears smells THAT bad. She has her own perfume, for crying out loud! Anyway, I found the whole survery thing pretty amusing. And it certainly helped to melt my traffic stress away!

24 hours later.....Shaken, Stressed, Sleepy

Glad to finish my first long psychiatry on call.

*phew.....so glad that its all over.

24 hours after this on call.... I am:

1. Shaken
2. Stressed
3. Sleepy

Why?

Shaken - because a patient kinda "pushed" my face real hard...in slow motion, my right jaw and cheek were pushed to the right and upwards. It wasn't too painful...but I was shocked. I did not expect that to happen. Couldn't really blame the patient, as she has bipolar mood disorder, and at that time, was in a manic phase. I did stand a distance from her, but somehow, when I was trying to listen to what her husband is telling me, she came near to me...and just in a split second, I was physically assaulted. Immediately, due to the shock, I could feel tears welling up in my eyes....but I told myself, I need to sort this out. I recomposed myself, and told her husband that I was going to issue an Emergency Detention Cert for her. (she had no insight whatsoever, and was going to leave the hospital...so no choice...had to detain her so that she doesn't harm others). I was quite shaken after that....my hands were shaking for a few minutes, while I was explaining the situation to the consultant on call.

Stressed - because it couldn't admit one of my patients to any hospital, as none wanted to take her. This girl was having on going suicidal thoughts, and I have decided to admit her. Unfortunately, my hospital was full. So I tried to contact the other two hospitals. One informed me that the patient was banned from the hospital, whereas the other one told me that it is their hospital policy not to take in any patients as they do not have any doctors oncall in their psychiatry unit. So now where should I put my patient?? It took me a good 1 hour or so, on the telephone...before one of the hospitals agreed to take her in, reluctantly. sigh. You know, at the end of the day, we all want what is best for our patient...so come on, people!

Sleepy - because errm...pretty obvious-lah... not much chance to sleep...prob managed about 2 hours or so. Quite sleepy now...but then I do not want to sleep now as I would end up sleeping for at least 4 hours...and this would upset my body clock!

Right...enough moaning. I still couldn't really stop thinking about being hit by a patient. It is quite frightening actually...later, I found out that she has once hit a doctor really hard, to the extent that she needed her hands x-rayed too! my...guess I'm lucky eh?

Ever Wondered?

There are plenty of uncertainties in this world. You never know when you will die, you never know when your car is going to break down, you never know whether or not the flight will be delayed, etc...

The same applies to psychiatry. Being a "new wee trainee" in this job, or rather the most junior member of staff, I really find it difficult to judge whether or not a patient is telling me truth, or whether he/she is simply manipulating me. It all boils down to experience, I suppose. But being on call by myself, is pretty scary.

The other day, I was asked to review a young lad, who has a 18 month history of depression. He wanted to kill himself, by hanging himself with a rope in the woods. He also drinks too much alcohol and abuses illicit drugs. Now, he said he couldn't find a rope, and hence, ended up drinking pints of beer. When asked whether or not he still thought about commiting suicide, he said "no." He seemed very alert and lucid. Although he did have the alcohol stench, he was not intoxicated or withdrawing from it. So I thought that he was speaking from his heart. Unfortunately, I wasn't really sure if I was going to send him home.

I spoke to the consultant who advised to send him home, and we will review him in the community. He explained that as he doesn't have any ongoing suicidal ideation, he will be grand. However, deep inside of me was thinking, "what if he was just telling me what I wanted to hear? What if he goes home, wakes up in the middle of the night, get a rope to hang himself, or jump off a bridge?" Lots of thoughts went through. But, then again, I have no experience in this field, and the consultant certainly has seen plenty suicidal cases. So I informed patient of the plan and he left. His partner wasn't happy, as she was concerned that once he goes home, he would start to be angry or start to drink more, and would probably throw things around the house or argue with her..etc... hmm....right, so despite being depressed, he could be rather agitated too. So I explained to her that, there wasn't any indications for him to be admitted. Yes, agree that he could be throwing a tantrum at home, but that is certainly not an indication to stay in the hospital.....at least that was what I thought anyway. hmm...I thought again, "what if he decides to abuse his wife? he has done it before, but not for the past 3 yrs. Will I be held responsible for that?" sigh...I do not know. But, I soon rationalized that, he has a lucid mind, and if he said he is not going to do anything nasty or kill himself, I should trust him. *note I'm "trying" to use my ant-sized clinical judgement. So home the patient went. At the same time, I felt sorry for his partner, as I can understand her fear.

Overnight, I wondered....*shit, I really hope that he doesn't commit suicide. otherwise, I would take my own life away! I also hoped that he doesn't harm anyone. But then again, if he really wanted to kill himself earlier on, he would have persisted to find the rope, instead of buying cans of beer.....that's me trying to convince myself that it was the correct decision to let him home.

I discussed my uncertainties with my consultant. He said that 1-2 % of people who attempted suicide, but failed, will proceed to kill themselves in 1-2 years. Right.

He added that we could never predict when that person will do it. So there is never a clear line about when you should send a patient home. However, obviously, if the patient continues to say "yes, I am going to drink 10 bottles of bleach when I go home," then that is probably an indication that the patient should stay and be assessed further. It all boils down to experience. Right.

There are some many uncertainties.

Daemons (inspired by the movie The Golden Compass)

The movie "The Golden Compass" wasn't as good as I thought it would be. I felt that there were alot tales to be unfold, but time was limited. Hence, the movie did not flow very nicely.

Daemons were one of the few interesting features of the movie. According to the official website, "a person's soul lives on the outside of their body, in the form of a daemon - an animal spirit that accompanies them through life. A person's daemon is usually of the opposite sex to its human partner. In this real world, it is possible that we have daemons too, only that they are invisible."

The website was pretty cool as it allows you to discover your own daemon. Please go to http://www.goldencompassmovie.com/ for further information. All you need to do is answer a set of 20 questions and they will reveal your daemon.

I have done mine....and my daemon is a Chimpanzee, who is flexible, responsible, modest, inquisitive, & clever. These should ideally fit with my personality...hmmm...let me see, I agree that I am flexible, responsible, pretty modest and can be inquisitive at times. Clever? I don't I am that clever. I suppose everyone is clever, but in different fields. For eg, you can be clever in studies, you can be "clever" in sports, or you can be "clever" in telling lies!

So, people, feel free to answer to the questions in the daemon window above, about whether or not you think it suits my personality. Cheers!

I am Ando Masashahi

I just did a set of questionaires on Facebook to find out which Heroes character I am most likely to resemble.

Apparently, I am Ando.

"You have no super powers at all. Really, none. You're normal. Deal with it. But you make a really great sidekick."

Glad to know that I am normal...but deep inside of me wished that I had some supernatural powers....let me see, if I were given a choice, I would like to be "Peter Patrelli" in Heroes. He could absorb other people's powers, which makes him extremely powerful! Wished I could do that too. hehe. Then, life would be easy breezy.

Michael Buble - Lost

Absolutely love his voice in this song. Love the part which says:

"Summer turned to winter
And the snow it turned to rain
And the rain turned into tears upon your face
I hardly recognized the girl you are today
And god I hope it's not too late"

And also this part:

"Life can show no mercy
It can tear your soul apart
It can make you feel like you've gone crazy"

=) Agree with him that life can make you go crazy. But that if it doesn't, life will be meaningless and unexciting.

Ok...I am Obsessed

hehehe...just to add more sugar and honey to my festive mood, here is a picture of a different type of wooden xmas tree, which I bought from Germany recently. It is special and one of a kind!

Lovely isn't? :)

ok...yeas, I know I am crazy and obsessed with this xmas thing, but I can't help it. I guess it is because my family members are faraway, and I'm just trying to channel the feeling of loneliness, into xmas decorations and stuff. But heck, you gotta admit that this hand-mitten tree so very cute! Check out the tiny train on top.

I am Feeling Festive!

ho ho ho....its the time of the year again....the spirit of giving and family togetherness.

I was feeling extremely festive this week. It all started on Tuesday, when my friend gave me an early christmas pressie. It was a santa door hanger, with a bell on the hat. Love it. :D

The following day, my housemate, Helen, and I decided to put up our christmas tree. It was fun. And this year, our tree looks prettier because we have added new tree decorations, some were bought by Helen, while I got those cute little wooden decos (look out for them in the pictures below!) from Germany.

Oh...oh....oh did I mention that I bought a small blue wooden christmas tree from Germany? It is quite special and I absolutely love it...Helen & I assembled it together the other day, and boy, it is so so so cute. *tee hee hee

Sorry..please excuse my excitement! I have also just bought a set of star lights today.... I am planning to hang them at my window...ahh...I could picture it now, it is going to be very pretty!!!! can't wait!!

Here are the pictures!

My Christmas Tree

A closer look at the tree. The pressie underneath it is for Helen.

Cute little santa sitting on a moon.

A wee angel & a candy stick!

The blue wooden xmas tree from Germany.

The santa door hanger....it is so cute, agree?

You Have a Mental Health Problem

Only a few days into psychiatry, I already have an uncomfortable feeling about it. I don't know. I think it is not easy getting information from these patients, because, the first thing they want from me is trust. It is certainly not easy for them to trust me, especially when they have a mental health problem.

Getting the history from them has been really challenging. A patient today explained that he has made a video of himself and this video, has been shown worldwide. When asked about the content of the video, he replied, "I know you have seen the video. I am not going to talk about it." Then, on a different occasion, I asked him if he has been hearing abnormal voices. He said, "Yes, but I do not want to talk about it." Sigh...so how am I supposed to get a history from him?! It gets a bit frustrating.

I find the whole job extremely slow-paced. You know, most of my jobs in the past year or months, have been pretty busy, with doing ward work, clerking-in, and reviewing sickies. But now, all I need to do is wait for referrals, which totals up to about 5-6 a day, compared to the usual 20 a day in medical wards. I find it difficult to settle in (but i'm sure with time, I would actually appreciate the extra free time).

I don't like the fact that I have to interview the patient in a special room....the precautions I need to take when interviewing them, are such a pain! I need to let the patient sit first, I need to sit near the exit door, I need to make sure I bring an alarm with me, I need to make sure I approach the patient with my body sideways (because if I face the patient like how you would normally greet someone, I am exposing myself to more danger).....sigh...so many things to bear in mind!

I tried to throw these negative thoughts away...and approached this job positively. hmm...let me see....oh, yes, I get to do the ward round while sitting on a nice comfy chair. I get to drink coffee during the whole ward round (which takes hours!!!). I do not have to do 7 consecutive night on calls...this has been replaced with 24 hours on calls. Nothing else positive that I can think of.

I think at the end of the day, I myself get abit depressed....or you never know, one day, I will come home from work, with paranoid ideas and hallucinations! I know mental health problem is not a very nice illness to have, so I need to be more understanding and be more professional! *slap myself...wake up and be enthusiastic.

Ratatouille Rocks!

Just watched Ratatouille. I know, I know, I'm uber outdated. I know its been showing for a long time, but I've tried to catch it last month, and the tickets were sold out. So today, my friends and I sought the opportunity to not study, and watched this funny animation instead. hehe.

No regrets. It was a fantastic show! I loved it. I laughed...probably the loudest amongst all the other viewers. The people behind this animation...boy, aren't they creative? The little rat, Remy, is so cute, and so is his brother. Somehow, somewhere deep inside of me wished that a "tiny chef" would appear and show me how to cook! I suck at cooking. Well, the only things that I can cook properly are pasta, fried rice, ABC soup, roasted pepper with couscous, wantons, fried omelette....hmm..i guess that's about it. None are exciting dishes to be honest. Wished I could cook something special or cook something "with perspective."

Anyway, its time for me to go to bed. Tomorrow I start as a SHO in psychiatry...yikes...pretty intimidated by it because:

1. I never liked psychiatry.
2. I don't think I could interact well with psychiatric patients.
3. I don't think I could keep a straight face when someone tells me weird stuff. (so unprofessional eh?)
4. I am worried that I do not know how to react to what the patients tell me, and I simply do not know how to treat them!
5. I am also very concerned that these patients end up manipulating me due to my lack of experience!

So....fingers & toes crossed, that tomorrow will be alright. Wish me luck.

Still Schleeppyy...

Its amazing how sleepy I am still feeling until today. After coming home from work on Friday morning, I slept from 3 pm until 5 am the next morning! I thought that should have sorted my tiredness out, and put me back to normal daylight....not!

I was rather sleepy last night....could feel eyes becoming puffy and watery. I was at Peter's dinner party at that time....we had an awesome steamboat, and LOADS of desserts...maybe that added to my sleepiness...but heck, it was a nice meal. By the time I got home, it was nearly 11pm, and I went straight to bed...couldn't keep my eyes open for another minute.

This morning, I woke up just before 8 am, with a terrible backache. Must be either my sleeping position or PMS. After my breakfast, I thought I would sit down and do some work...but I decided to lie down to rest my back......and yeah, ended up sleeping again, probably for another hour.

I've been rather awake since then...but my back is still killing me. I've been strecthing myself all day, still no effect...think I just need to go back to bed. keke. Hopefully, by tomorrow, I would be less sleepy.

The group of us at dinner.

Thanks peter, and your lovely landlord & landlady, for the lovely meal. :) Can't wait for your BBQ plans.....

My Last Day in Paediatrics

My last day in paediatrics can be considered as the most exciting and memorable one.

I was doing my last night on call for paeds. The night kicked off busy, with 4 waiting to be seen and 2 awaited. So I cracked on and started to see one after another. Halfway through them, my registrar's page did not stop bleeping. She added more names to the admission sheet.

I really could not believe how busy the night was going to be. I hardly slept the whole day. Well, I tried, but couldn't. I had to go back to the hospital to meet my supervisor at 2 pm. After the handover in the morning, I had to attend a teaching. So by the time I left the hospital, it was 10.30am. Got home an hour later due to bad traffic, washed up and sat down for awhile to rest....before needing to leave at 1 pm. After the meeting with my supervisor, I met up with my friend, Laura, who just found out that the guy she loved, as been having a relationship with another girl! I went over to make sure she was alright....I mean, it is pretty obvious she wasn't going to be ok. I chatted with her till nearly 6pm. Now, by that time, my eyes were so painful, and I could feel a headache starting to build up. The only sleep I managed was 3 hours the night before. With hardly any sleep, I was really slow at work.

Not too long after that, she received an urgent call to go down to resus in A&E to see a 26 day old baby with sats in the 80s. So off she went, and continued to see all these patients. The only good thing about working in the last day is I have experience...well, 4 months worth of experience. Therefore, once I have seen a patient, I feel confident enough to make a decision as to whether or not to admit, or observe the patient for a few hours. My registrar came back an hour later from resus with a small little baby that has been stabilised.

The rest of the night was spent revieweing one patient after another. Some patients, in my opinion, should not even be seen by us, because the child was absolutely well, except for a cold. This could be easily sorted out by their GP. One of the babies that I saw needed a full septic screen, which included a lumbar puncture. It took awhile to sort that baby out as he was pretty sick. Anyway, while I was busy seeing another patient, I heard my registrar shouting, "I need help here!"

I dropped what I was doing and ran over to see what was happening. I found a dusky coloured baby lying down on the cot. *Yikes!

The baby's saturations were dropping to about 70% despite having 10 L of oxygen, with a heart rate of only 90 bpm. To be honest, I have never really seen a baby in a periarrest situation. I have certainly very sick children with DKA or severe asthma exacerbation. My adrenaline started to kick in. We took the baby (who is only 10 days old) to the treatment room, because our resus trolley was there.

I felt nervous but excited. We worked through the basic ABCs....the only thing we really struggled was the circulation part. My registrar tried like nearly 8 times to cannulate her, but failed. In the end, we had to seek help from the neonatal registrar to set up an IV Access. He got it after 5 attempts too. We decided that the baby was septic....so we started to prepare antibiotics. The baby was really not doing great. She kept running into apnoeic episodes with colour changes, her Hydrogen ions were 50 and potassium was 6.1!

We worked on that baby for a good 2 hours, and had to call the consultant on call to come in. It was 9 am (which is handover time) by then. Being the SHO, I had to ensure the handover sheet was updated and of course, I had to go back and complete my examination on that child that I was seeing initially. As so many things happened overnight, I became really confused as to which patient came in with what particular problem. It was 9.30 am before us, the night team, did the handover.

*phew, what a night! Filled with sick children...and a periarrest! Before I left, I heard that the wee baby girl needed to be transferred to the bigger children's hospital in Glasgow city. They would need to intubate her as well, because she simply wasnt really coping with her breathing.

I was glad the night was over...it was exciting though. My last day in paeds certainly ended with a bang! Next up, would be psychiatry for me....something which I absolutely dislike.

OMG! Time is passing so slow!

I'm in the middle of my night shift. It is absolutely dead in here!!!

arrghh.....

I have seen all my acute admissions by midnight. There wasn't anymore referrals, until I received a call at 6 am, about a boy with abdominal pain. But he is going to be travelling from a different hospital that is rather faraway....so he would take awhile before arriving here. The ward was fine...apart from reviewing a few patients asthma or viral wheeze, there really wasn't much to do.

So my registrar and I had a cup of tea around midnight. Then we started to finish up the discharges, as the case notes were pilling up! We have done them all by about 3 am. Since then, I have been sitting about doing nothing...tried to do a few 'Best of Five Questions,' but didn't last long before I so totally lost my concentration.

I tried to take a nap...but only managed intermittent sleep for about 1 hour. After that 6 am call, I couldn't sleep. sigh. So now I'm wide awake, waiting for that patient to turn up...wishing that time would go faster...wishing that it will 9 am in 1 minute...so that I could quickly pass my page and handover to the day team!

7 nights

Its 1 down....and there are 6 to go.

Nights! Nights! Nights on call once again.

So sleepy now...need my beauty sleep. So nite nite.

It was Mummy's Birthday

It was Mummy's birthday yesterday.

I was on-call, so I didn't have a chance to wish her until it was 11pm her time back home.

Mummy was surprised to hear my voice, but happy. This is for you mummy.

Happy birthday to you mummy.
Wished I could be there to take you out for dinner or give you a big big biiiiggg huggie.
Happy birthday to you mummy.
Wished I could be there sing the birthday song and see you cut your cake.
Happy birthday to you mummy.
I miss you loads.
Happy birthday to you mummy.
I love you.

Mummy & me

Tsk Tsk...The Alcoholic in Me.

Remember I said that I drank a whole jug of beer in Germany? Yeah...so here are the photos as promised.

Let's get the party started! My first ever 1 litre jug of beer.





















Doing alright....managed to drink a quarter of the beer...The beer tasted really nice...strong with a slight hint of bitterness.


















Here's when I can't hide. I've drank more than 3/4 of the jug...my ears are starting to turn really red. They were, in fact, burning!



















Bottoms up!!

=) Finished my jug of beer. Whoa...it is a personal record!
















By the end of the whole drinking session, I was really full. My bladder was going to explode because of the amount of fluid I've taken in. It was undoubtedly unhealthy binge drinking!! But hey, I was still sober. And the plus point was I managed to get a good deep sleep that night!

Sushi

I love sushi. So when my friends asked me to join for sushi on Sunday, I was excited. We all headed to the new shopping mall in Glasgow, Silverburn. Apparently, the famous sushi store "Yo Sushi" has just opened there. This sushi bar is popular in Manchester, so my friends told me.

Its been a long time since I touched sushi. Even when I was at home last CNY, I didn't get a chance to grab a sushi bite. So I was really dying to eat one! Having said that though, I personally think that my sushi standards are very high. Back home, I really miss Genki Sushi. Imagine the crunchy soft shell crab temaki.....yummy.

Yo Sushi looked exciting. The whole bar was open right in the middle of the shopping mall. I could see different varieties of sushi circulating on the belt. So we quickly grab a seat and started to pick what we wanted to eat.

5 minutes later....I still haven't picked one.

Another 5 minutes....I still haven't seen any sushi that attracted my eyes.

I guess the sushi wasn't presented as yummy as the ones in Genki. None of the sushi were shouting to me, "Me, me....pick me! I am yummy!" I was a tad disappointed. But in the end, I chose the usual Unagi and salmon. They were nice....but I still think the ones in Genki were better.

Then, I went on to order a temaki roll. How sad, the ran out of the radish that is used to prepare the soft shell crab temaki...so I couldn't satisfy my cravings for the crab. I settled for crispy duck temaki instead...It was different, quite tasty....but I want my soft shell crab temaki!!! boo hoo.

All in all, I think Yo Sushi is "ok." But if you haven't eaten sushi for a long time....it will certainly satisfy you.

Choose Your Poo!

I've been wanting to blog about this for a long time... =P

I'm sure most of us have sufferred from constipation at some point in our lives. When constipated, we will try our best to eat more fibre to help solve the problem. If not effective, then, some of us would resort to laxatives.

I came across this pamphlet (shown below) designed by one of the popular laxative company, simply amusing.

(picture taken from the Movicol Paediatric Plan pamphlet)

It is a very educational pamphlet too, as it shows us that our poo can come in different shapes and forms. But after looking at it, you will probably think of your food differently. However, it gives us an idea how to manage constipation, especially in children, because kids can't really explain their poo to doctors. So people, choose your poo!

The Drugs Song

Got this cool song from a friend. Check it out!

Happy Deepavali

Happy Deepavali to fellow Indians!

To be honest, I didn't know it is Deepavali until my mum told me that she's not working because it is a public holiday in Malaysia today. Deepavali....makes me yearn for a bite of that crunchy tasty and oily muruku! What about those papadum you eat with the Indian curry...and the vade? Is that how you actually spell it?? You know what I mean, those deep fried dhall stuff. yummy!!

Sigh. Miss the atmosphere back home. Miss going to my dad's friends' house for Deepavali meals...

Shitty Day

Today just kicked off badly from the moment the clock turned 00:00 hours.

First, I could not sleep. I tossed and turned, tossed and turned, tried to count the number of sheeps that were jumping across the fence, tossed and turned again......before I finally fell asleep god knows how many hours later. My guess is 2 am. Then I woke up suddenly thinking that I have overslept, turned to look at the clock, and the time was only 3.27 am. I thought my eyes were playing games on me, so I double checked the time using my handphone. My eyes were not telling any lies. This trend went on until it was 6 am, when I finally decided that there was no point in sleeping anymore.

Secondly, the ward was totally chaotic this morning. There were outpatient clinic running in the ward, outpatient blood tests, elective surgical patients waiting for their turn to go to theatre, and of course, the acute admissions too. The nurses were flapping. They did not know how to cope with the work load...so everything was in a mess. When asked to do something, it would take them a long time before it was being done. But what really angers me is this "4 hour policy." I mean, hello, if you want to make it a 4 hour policy, make sure you do your job too. Stop hassling me to review patient X or patient Y, when you haven't even given the poor pyrexial child his Calpol!

Patients who were waiting for their blood test were getting impatient...Think there were about 3 of them. All the acute admissions came in a bus. So there were about 6-7 of them that came in together. So everyone was getting impatient! But hey, there is only one of me. I have to see these admissions, and do the blood tests for those outpatient ones. You just got to be patient people!!

Anyway, talking about impatience.....One of the parents yesterday were extremely grumpy. The moment I called their young daughter in for her blood test.....the first thing that came out from her mother's mouth was, "I'm no waiting for the ECG. Hospital X has looked at her heart, and the cardiology people said her heart is fine. I'm no waiting for another ECG to be done here."

She was refering to the ECG that has been requested for her. As usual, Monday mornings are always busy for such procedures, hence, the waiting time to get a simple ECG done is longer. The worse thing was, she also said, "I am no listening to a single word from that woman. Whatever she told me in the clinic was utter nonsense. I don't believe a single word she said. She didn't even tell me that the reason I'm here is for my wee girl to have some many blood tests and this ECG." She was speaking in a very angry manner. She added that, "I don't want to see her ever again...am not going back to her clinic ever again. I will get re-referred to another doctor."

I was confused, wondering who she was refering to as that woman. I asked her what she meant. I soon found out that she was talking about the consultant whom she met at the outpatient clinic. Honestly, I couldn't understand why she would say such a thing about that consultant because she is a really nice person.

She also asked me the reason for all the tests...and I informed her it was because her daughter is a bit small for her size. Mum thinks she's just petite. But guess she didn't realise that her wee daughter is also dysmorphic. Anyway, after kicking so much fuss, I asked her, "So do you still want me to proceed with these blood tests then?" "Aye...just do it," mum replied. Now, if you don't plan to see this consultant again, why do you still want to proceed with the tests?? I don't get her at all.

So everything was starting to boil my fire. The other thing that pissed me off was when this nurse came up to me and asked, "Can we transfer this baby to the next ward?"

"No, because she needs a cannula and blood tests before she can go across," I said.

"Why now when she's been here for more than 5 hours???" this nurse said.

arrghh...not this whole bloody 4 hour policy thing again!!! So I told her, "Well, she just had her ametop on about 20 minutes ago...so I'll need to let it work first before proceeding. Moreover, the decision about doing the blood test was made not too long ago."

She cheekily answered, "It needs to be done NOW."

What the fuck man.... when we decide to do the blood test is really up to us. You have been working in this paediatric unit for a longer time than me. You should know that we do not like bleeding kids unless it is really necessary. Sometimes I wish I could tell her, "Look, who is the doctor here." But then again, I hate being condescending and I do not want to be rude to her either.

It was such a shitty day. Glad it is all over. Knackered now.

Too Much Information

Do you sometimes feel that people share too much information?? I mean like seriously, TOO MUCH INFORMATION. I mean it is fine to share if you are close friends....but not when I hardly know you.

One example is my ex-colleague who started to have an affair with our registrar. He was and still is engaged to his wife-to-be. Well, I have no comments for their relationship. However, she chats too much about their relationship.....and that includes details of what they do in bed. She talks about it to almost everyone....I mean I feel sorry for the registrar because obviously he doesn't know that she's spilling the beans about their sex life to everyone. From being raunchy at sex to telling us when he lost his virginity. My, that is WAY too much information.

Another example which I felt totally grossed out about just happened over the weekend. My registrar whom I was on call with was talking to me about semen. It all started when one of our patients came in with ? cystitis. She said that everytime she drinks cranberry juice, her abdominal pain disappears. So, then came the Q&A part:

"Ling, what do you think that is in cranberry juice that makes it good for urinary tract infection?" asked my reg.

"Hmm....I just read about that on newspaper today...and now I can't remember! Something to do with its sugar content?" I replied (feeling like a total idiot...but I really did read about the power of cranberry juice in the health section of The Star on Sunday).

"It basically prevents bacteria from sticking to the bladder wall."

"Oh ok....I've learnt something new today!"

"Now, what does semen and cranberry juice have in common?"

I was like....HUH?! Why are you asking me about semen and cranberry juice....I answered anyway. "They both have high sugar content."

"Exactly, Ling. So what does that tell you?"

"errmm....its good for urinary tract infection prophylaxis???"

"Yes. And that's what I have been telling my girlfriend. I've been telling her that semen is good for her....she should take it."

I honestly nearly puked! Now that is really far too much information to share!!!

"Oh right," I answered, and thinking.....thanks alot for telling me that! I do not want to know what you are doing with your girlfriend in bed.

"Yeah, semen is good. I keep telling my girlfriend that she should take some semen," he repeated.

So I tried to joke back and said, "Well, I don't suppose it is clinically proven, is it? I don't think anyone would like to participate in a research of such."

He laughed.

Oh dear.....I'm an open person. But I think sometimes, certain information is better kept to your own self. That is honestly far too much information.

Happy Ending

Think the winter months have gotten into me. 6 pm is as dark as 9 pm. I feel abit miserable sometimes, loads of things running in my head. So many things that need to be sorted out...yet, I just can't push myself to do or face them. Happy ending? What is a happy ending? I know no happy ending. Everything is in a mess. Everything is in a horrible mess. I need to sort my life out thats it. When? I don't know....guess whenever I feel like it. Just gotta put a smile on my face, and take one step at a time.

Love this song...enjoy!

What Should I Treat It As?

A young girl, just about 2 years old, presented to me with coryza, cough and fever for 1 day. Parents noted increasingly worsening noisy breathing for the past 1 day. When I met the girl, she has audible wheeze and mild stridor. She had some tracheal tugging, and mild intercostal recession. Her chest had some scattered wheeze, no crepitations.

Now, it's decision time. Should I treat her as a viral-induced wheeze or croup?

I don't know.

So I rationalised to myself.
Right, her wheeze is more prominent...and she has got some wheeze in her chest. Hence, I should give her a steroid (prednisolone) and bronchodilator.

Or, should I treat her as a croup.....but then again, the treatment is also a steroid (dexamethasone).

Hmm.....hmmm....hmmm

Fine. I decided that I would treat it as a viral induced wheeze. Halfway through giving her the bronchodilator, her stridor became more prominent...and she actually started to cough..and that cough was a croupy cough. Hence, I changed my mind and treated her as a croup. I gave her dexamethasone instead.

Later on, I informed my reg about this. He said that he would have just given her the prednisolone anyway, because, during the olden days, prednisolone was the gold standard for either wheeze or croup. Oh well....decision has been made. At least she got a steroid of some sort. But decisions are never easy to make...and I cant imagine myself being more senior and making more decisions....Need to build more experience and confidence.

He agreed that she was a croup patient. Decisions....don't like making them. But my job nature doesn't allow me to escape from this.

The Letter

I just came back from work...and saw an interesting letter on the table. You know, sometimes, you can predict who the letter is from. But I couldn't in this occasion. Therefore, I decided to open it immediately.

Its a bloody letter from the insurance company of the vehicle which I bumped into. It states that they are holding me responsible for the event and they want my insurance company to deal with the whole thing.

Now, yes I am responsible. But there was hardly any damage to his van!! The damage was on my car....how could be possibly make any claim? arrrghh...This is really starting to stress me out. I hate dealing with matters like this. Maybe they decided to smash up their van abit more just to make the whole accident even more convincing....

#$%& guess I have no excuse for myself. I created this whole incident upon myself. sigh.

Guten Tag Munchen & Berlin!

Just got back from my holiday trip in Germany. I really enjoyed myself. People in Germany are friendly. I think I had enough wurst (german sausages) to last me for a year! hehe. Oh...not to mention, I had quite alot of bier (beer) to drink too (wait till you see a pic of me and a big JUG of beer!!). Anyway, the weather in Munchen (or Munich) was fantastic. It was sunny, but slightly chilly at night. However, at the foot of The Bavarian Alps, the weather was bitter cold, especially with the rain. My friend & I were lucky to have escaped the snow, because it started to snow quite heavily on the night we left The Alps. At Berlin, the weather was cloudy, and really cold. The fact that I only had a thin jacket on, made matters worse.

Anyway, here are some pictures from my trip!

Dinner...look at the 5 different varieties of wurst we had! White sausages too! yummmy!

A display of china potteries on the wall of The Residenz.

The park outside The Residenz.

The Olympic Park in Munchen.

Say Hello to the BMW Isetta @ The BMW Museum, Munchen.

The BMW Mille Miglia.

I can't own one, but I can certainly take a photo with it without any extra cost!
The BMW 7 series.

Sunny day at the palace grounds.

Schloss Hohenswangau (Castle of The Highland Swans..hope I got the translation right)

Schloss Neuchswanstein, Bavarian Alps. This castle is meant to be the inspiration for Disney castles.

Autumn in Germany.

The Alpsee Lake, Bavarian Alps. It was actually very cold, but I decided to take a photo without my jacket.

The Kaiser Wilhelm Church in Berlin, part of it was destroyed during the war. The square block beside it is where the church services are currently being held.

Inside the block of building....very blue and cool.

The Reichstag (parliament building)....the transparent dome above it provides beautiful scene of the whole city of Berlin.

Inside the transparent dome.

The bear is the mascot for Berlin. This bear in particular is made of broken ceramics.

Now, I have never seen such big grapes and big brussel sprouts ever!

The leaves are changing colour!!

The Berliner Dom and....a big fat bum on the left! =)

Part of the Berlin Wall.

ok....guess that was quite a few pics....hehe...but not alot for me though, as I am rather obsessive in taking pics....I have taken about 600 over pics in this trip! =P But not really happy with some of them because they were overexposed. I still haven't got the hang of using this panasonic cam...still prefer my broken down Casio Exilim.

Kate Nash - Mouthwash

Here it is! I personally do not get what the whole song is trying to say... but heck, its one fun song!

A very random song, but too catchy to not like!

hehe... I am so totally addicted to this song! Listen to it!

Mouthwash - Kate Nash

This is my face, covered in freckles with an occasional spot and some veins.
This is my body, covered in skin, and not all of it you can see
And, this, is my mind, it goes over and over the same old lines
And, this, is my brain, it's torturous analytical thoughts make me go insane

And I use mouthwash
Sometimes I floss
I got a family
And I drink lots of tea

I've got nostalgic don't know
I've got familar faces
I've got a mixed-up memory
And I've got favourite places

And I'm sitting at home on a Friday night
And I'm sitting at home on a Friday night and I hope everything's going to be alright

This is my face, I've got a thousand opinions and not the time to explain
And this is my body, and no matter how you try and disable it, I'll still be here
And, this, is my mind, and although you try to infringe you cannot confine
And, this, is my brain, and even if you try and hold me back there's nothing
that you can gain

Because I use mouthwash
Sometimes I floss
I got a family
And I drink lots of tea

I've got nostalgic don't know
I've got familar faces
I've got a mixed-up memory
And I've got favourite places

And I'm sitting at home on a Friday night
And I'm sitting at home on a Friday night and I hope everything's going to be alright

20 minutes Makes A Huge Difference!

I'm back doing my night on calls. It wasn't unusual that I did not manage to nap prior to the start of shift. Despite me trying to sleep later over the past few nights, I would still wake up, the latest by 9 am. I think the thought of starting a night shift just makes me slightly anxious...although you would have assumed that having done it before, I would be able to anticipate how it was going to turn out.

Anyway, slight anxiety, equaled to no sleep at all. The first night is always the most difficult one. It's because the body needs to adjust itself to the different rhythm. My Friday night was quite busy....didn't have a chance to have a break at all. So by the time it was 9.40 am, which was home time, I was feeling really sleepy. I decided to have a really strong cup of coffee....I put about 1 tablespoon of coffee into a mug!! Now, that is VERY STRONG coffee for my standard.

Gulped the whole coffee down, hoping that the caffeine would keep me awake for the drive home. It was more of mind over matter, as I do not get affected by caffeine. The first 15 minute drive was alright...I was yawning every now and then, but my eyes were still very wide awake. However, with only just 10 more minutes to reaching home, my conscious level just dipped.

My eye lids felt like they were tonnes heavy! I was struggling to keep them open. I started to play the music really loud, slapped my cheeks, and started to munch on a gum. Boy...I was glad to reach home safely. It was very dangerous driving!!!

During my night shift last night, I managed to squeeze in about 20 minutes nap...and it really made a big difference. I was WIDE AWAKE while driving home. But how often do you actually get a chance to nap during a night on call....Rarely.

There is certainly no doubt that sheer tiredness while driving can kill!!! Well, my heart goes to anyone that works very long hours/night shifts.....I totally understand how sleepy you feel after work.

I'm Saved!!!

With reference to my previous blog, thank god I was saved.

The rash turned out to be seborrhoeic dermatitis. *phew

Yikes!

*scratch *scratch *scratch

I'm feeling so itchy now. Help!

Just before I left work, I saw a young boy who presented with a rash. It was a funny rash, which I do not know what to make of it. The rash apparently has been there for a good 5 weeks now. He has been using a steroid cream which has made the rash worse. The boy was otherwise well.

My registrar reviewed the patient, and she too, did not know what was the cause of the rash. So we did a few blood tests, and they were normal. She decided to let the night on-call team review the wee boy as well.

So after informing the night team on call about the case, the first thing that came out from her mouth was, "Its scabies!"

I was like, "Nooo way...I touched him without even wearing gloves." Yikes!!!

She smiled and said the story sounded like it. But reassured me that if I had washed my hands after examining the boy, it should be ok. I wasn't buying it...the worse thing was, before taking the blood sample from him, I was actually carrying him in my arms, because mum did not want to accompany him into the treatment room for the tests.

Oh boy...now I'm feeling itchy all over. I was really paranoid....I washed my hands at least twice before I left the ward, and disinfected my stethoscope too. I really hope its not scabies...I shall get the confirmation tomorrow. And I will keep this blog updated...

Hope I can sleep tonight...*scratch *scratch